There was a point where I thought I was trapped, and I mean that literally. I never thought I'd overcome what I had been going through. I'm sure you can relate, where you have felt like it will never end or that you will never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Nothing anyone says can make it better. I didn't want to hear any cheesy BS to make me feel better, I wanted a solution.
I didn't tell anyone. I didn't express anything, instead I suppressed it (which I hear is bad for you). This went on for what felt like a long time. I mean years. Initially, I wasn't too worried when I realize something was not quite right. It was all new to me, so naturally, it would be "a walk in the park" or so to speak. I tried to keep a positive attitude about the whole thing, and keep an open mind. I persevered and decided I wasn't going to let it take over my life. But it did, slowly but surely. I beat myself up about it, and was miserable. Couldn't tell anyone out of fear of embarrassment and being judged. It continued like this for sometime. We fought, argued. Things were said. There was a whole lot of emotion at that time, and my what about my future? It seemed a little cloudy at this point ...
Finally, I decided to do something about it. Because only I could help myself. I made the conscious decision to see a professional, no matter how embarrassing it was. I met with another road block. The professional I chose was someone I knew. Great. I wasn't sure how I felt about her knowing my personal business. But then again, I couldn't think of anyone better to help me out. So I sucked it up and went to see her. I was more than happy when she remained completely professional, and spoke to me as if I were like anyone of her other clients. One thing led to another, I was referred to an amazing specialist (who I also knew on a personal level). During my initial visit with her, we discovered the problem - something I had been trying to figure out for YEARS at this point. She reassured me, everything was completely normal and I had nothing to worry about. It was a small problem that was the cause of my bigger problem. That's it. As simple as that. And here I was thinking my life was over. She made me promise her that I wouldn't give up. I promised, happily.
Fast forward to the present, and i've made an amazing transition, and there has been significant change in my life. This was my little personal triumph, which I am VERY proud of (trust me, I literally wanted to tell the whole world but it's a little TMI!!). I can finally move on with my life and look forward to the future. Sometimes the small things are what really matter, because they are what make up the bigger picture. I finally feel complete and a lot more confident! Bottom line is, get help - I promise it will make things better and always remember you are not alone! There are other people going through the same things you. I'm off to accomplish another one of them goals, who knows maybe that will turn into another little triumph for me?
Gone to scream from the top of a mountain,
- SMS XO